


I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times

by tobylovesyou



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Aaron Hotchner, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Insecure Aaron Hotchner, M/M, Protective David Rossi, i feel like this ship shows my father and mother issues, i have no clue how to tag sorry my friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobylovesyou/pseuds/tobylovesyou
Summary: Title: "I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times" credit: devil town – cavetownan unsub asks for hotch and only hotch to show up in his apartment the team has a plan to keep hotch safe yet he goes alone being the stubborn man that he is. luckily death doesn't fall upon him, but being alone in a hospital and alone with his mind forces him to think about what he's wanted to forget for the past years and years. A feeling about one man. A feeling about his friend. A feeling about David Rossi.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times

**Author's Note:**

> Terribly sorry for any obvious spelling mistakes I am dyslexic- although currently I am using word to write the story so there may not be too many.  
> Enjoy this story- i know that it may be angsty. or maybe it is not and i have failed as a writer. who knows? either way enjoy or else i'll do something- that is something you will found out and something i have no clue about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hotch goes alone to meet with an unsub in an obviously dangerous situation and everyone awaits for him to come back in one piece, hospital bed or a white sheet.  
> \-------  
> This is my gay poet self's first fanfic. It may not be good- but my favourite ship doesn't have too many fanfics about it. Maybe its they are old- or maybe i'm not sure. I may have a better idea in the next chapter notes. I guess as the story goes on my ideas of why this ship is unpopular goes on too.  
> Maybe its because they are both pretty unromantic- a popular trope is the one that knows jack shit about romance and the romantic. and they are both- neither? they are both both and neither and the same time. I kinda get it now. 
> 
> But i live for this underrated ship so enjoy this chapter

It was a waiting game, one would stroll into a crazed unsub's apartment and there you would wait wondering if they would return. Yet it was different this time, David Rossi wasn't able to wait by the apartment building nor was anybody from the behavioural analysis unit. The unknown subject had asked to see Aaron Hotchner and only Aaron Hotchner. Of course everybody was appalled by this; it was dangerous and the unknown- one of the greatest fears of mankind. They had a plan, one that Emily Prentiss suggested it was to take Hotch to the apartment yet await outside, behind the trees far from the unsubs line of sight. It was a good plan everyone had agreed to it, even Hotch which should have been a clue. As when the time hit, Hotch wasn't there ready to be taken to his destination. His stuff wasn't there either. Hotch and his gun was gone, he had obviously went against their plan. Yet, that stubborn man left his bullet-proof vest behind.

Aaron Hotchner had always been a stubborn man; he'd have a plan set out in his head (one that is almost always dangerous for him yet safe for everybody else) and he would stick to it without letting go. This was one of those plans. And it was tedious, physical pain would have been a lot better than this emotional one as at least when you are there you can sneak a peek through the windows yet they were all in a police station in LA. Just waiting. The clock swayed in everyone's empty thoughts until Emily stood up. "Why can't we just go to the apartment?" 

"Because that would be stupid of us" Derek quietly shouted, he wasn't angry how could one be in this situation? Morgan was anxious- scared even it was his friend- he was everyone’s friend. And he was in danger.

“But how? It’s us sticking up for a friend, Morgan.”

“Look they would see us- if we go there now and then we would put him in more danger than if we were already there.” Emily stayed silent. She knew it was true. It was completely true. Everybody’s nerves trickled through their body as the ticks and the tocks of the clock knocked in their mind. 

Yet on the other sides of things, Hotch knocked on an apartment door in the middle of LA. All he could hear was the flickering of the lights as they turned on, off, on, off. There was no sound of chatter, especially from the room down the corridor. Room number 21. The Room of the unsub. Hotch’s hand reached for the door as the other rested on the gun that was held on his belt. He couldn’t see anything in the room accept for one chair that the light rested on and a shadow in a corner just behind that edge of light. “Jeffery Martin?” He called out to the shadow, in his monotone and fearless way. 

“Aw, Aaron.” Hotch couldn’t see the smile, yet that disgusting smirk still trickled in Martin’s voice. “You remembered my name, that’s sweet.”

“Right.” He stated. “Why don’t you come into the light, so I can see you?”

“I’d rather you come into the light.” Martin’s voice smirked. Hotch didn’t want to, frankly he was somewhat fearful. He had already been through a mass murderer. There was no need to go through another one, no need for that again. Who would be next? Jack? Dave? Anybody he loves. Well- platonically of course. To break those intruding thoughts from his mind, he went to the light and stared down at the shadow. “Sit, why don’t you.” How is this man commanding Hotch like this? He instantly sits, those thoughts from before etching his brain. “Do you know why I chose you, Aaron? You to sit here. In my chair, my apartment, my town?”

“You feel that those without a glamorous past are those who become killers. If you destroy them. Delete them from this world then your own imaginary world will be better. You think that it means that suddenly in the world there will be no killers. It’s what your saviour complex tells you, that you are the great saviour to save this earth” He spoke seriously and emotionlessly. It was true, every person that this man had killed all had a traumatic and/or abusive past. He had been a therapist and those people were those that he had promised to help. Yet how did he know? Reluctantly he quietly asked, “How did you know?”

“That’s for me to know, Aaron.” He smiled as he went into the light and grabbed Hotch’s head. “I hope you know-“ He started as he walked around Hotch to stare at his face. Martin was an attractive man in his late 30s, he was like a person that you would see and instantly trust. He had those deep blue eyes and dark flopped hair. A man that you would think couldn’t hurt anyone let alone a fly. Before Hotch knew it his hands and legs were tied to the chair. “-I am not sorry about this” then it came, and icy cold knife stabbed through his chest fast and unafraid. Blood cried out of his skin as another knife fell into a different area of his chest. The blood stained his shirt as it fell a deep red. Hotch’s breath fell. “Am I attractive, Aaron?”

‘What?’ He thought to himself. /Why is this the question to want to know the answer to?’ The man was profiled to be an apparent saviour not a man killing those who didn’t fall for him. Narcissism could come along with his saviour complex, and those that didn’t at least have some sort of attraction to him could be seen to fully have no hope. Maybe those that were attracted to him had a chance to be saved by the ‘oh great saviour’? That would not be a surprise. “Why wouldn’t I?” It wasn’t a lie, but that’s something Hotch wouldn’t like to admit. He always know that he was Bisexual, yet it’s a hard thing to admit. He remembers the time he knew after he shoved the feeling so far down in his heart. It was his first day of his time at the bau and he had been terrified. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw this man laughing with a coffee in his hand. That smile, those eyes, that laugh. No. Not right now.

“Do you think I could help you?”

“Completely.” Martin made the sound of a hum and patted Hotch’s hand. Before he left the light- hotch heard him open a draw and pick out an object. He walked behind Hotch and a chunky metal object touched his shoulder. “I thought you said you could help me.”

“I can- but you have to survive first. Most don’t find me attractive- they have no hope. When one falls for the saviour, then one survives.”

“I can see that.”

“Good” A smile went across Martin’s face before it went off. Hotch had been shot before it wasn’t scary, but his blood was still falling out from before. He tried and tried to keep his eyes open- he couldn’t. The blood stained his shirt and kept falling down his skin. His mind felt like it was in a black hole dragging itself to the side of survival and the side of death. Then- everything went black.


End file.
